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The Waiting

August 17, 2010

I’m in the in-between. I’m waiting, wondering when . . . Suddenly everything has poignancy. I wake up thinking, I made it through another night. In the morning I snuggle with my boys, wondering how things will be when the new baby arrives. I have no perception as to how time and routines will morph and change. I enjoy the now yet I scrutinize every different feeling my body notices, like changing pressure deep within. Maybe today is the day? I am excited and nervous by turns.

I make no sure plans. I reread selected chapters in The Birth Book. I do my prenatal yoga, now that the heat’s not so bad at night. I pack the baby’s bag.

“Baby come soon!” the boys say, touching my belly, and feeling a kick, look wide-eyed at me. “Baby Sophia,” they say sweetly.

We do fun things like go to the park and get Slurpees. I kiss their chubby freckled cheeks. I get pangs of fear. What if something happened to them? What if one of them was suddenly gone? I think of the quote that in my view sums up the emotion of motherhood pretty well: “Making the decision to have a child—it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body” (Elizabeth Stone, Journalist). Yes, that’s how it feels. My heart does go walking around outside my body–often going in two different directions–soon to be three. I pray for brave trust.

Summer is becoming faded and burnt. The cicadas make a racket in the trees. It is the end of one thing and the beginning of another. It seems a fitting metaphor for where I am right now. A fitting month to be waiting.

And so I wait for a new person to emerge. Someone who is at once known and unknown. Someone who soon will feel like she’s always been here with us, because, really she has.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. August 17, 2010 2:31 pm

    You have a gift for putting into words the things I wish I could express. :o)

    Praying for you and your growing family as THE DAY approaches.
    Love to you, friend.

  2. August 17, 2010 4:05 pm

    That waiting is so familiar. Praying for you that all goes smoothly. 🙂

  3. taradphotography permalink
    August 17, 2010 4:57 pm

    I love it! Praying for you. Can’t wait to see pictures from afar of baby sophia! Love the name 🙂

  4. August 17, 2010 5:13 pm

    you’re just going to keep teasing us with those maternity photos, huh, and not provide the whole photo shoot? 😛

    I keep having moments of clarity in which I remind myself to soak up these last weeks with just Elijah. he is really at a fun age and I know life is going to change SO much this fall–I want to enjoy this time the two of us have. it’s so easy to forget to slow down and delight in him.

    • August 18, 2010 8:24 am

      Amy, we really didn’t do a “photo shoot.” Josh just got a few belly shots one evening after dinner. Only a few turned out. 🙂 Really!

  5. August 17, 2010 7:18 pm

    Beautiful post Danielle. I relate so much to your words. Praying for you in the waiting and so excited for you to meet this precious little girl.

  6. August 18, 2010 8:25 am

    Thanks for the best wishes and prayers, everyone!

  7. August 19, 2010 9:25 am

    this just makes me want to cry, Danielle. beautiful.

  8. bethyoung permalink
    August 19, 2010 7:12 pm

    I can’t wait to see her! Thinking of you often and praying for a smooth delivery and a healthy little Sophia!

  9. Bethany permalink
    August 22, 2010 1:12 am

    That was just lovely!!!! Your words made me CRY!!! Doesn’t help that I am right in the middle of backups on my computer and looking at my baby boys birth pics thinking that in about two short weeks he will be one!!!! Time seems to stand still and rush forward all at once.

    Can’t wait to hear about your sweet little Sophia’s arrival.

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