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Interesting . . .

May 1, 2008

It’s interesting to me that people assume that because I have twins, I’ll therefore have no other children. I can’t tell you how many complete strangers have asked me something to the effect of, “You’re not going to have anymore children, are you?” or “Do you think you’ll have more?” with skeptical looks on their faces. The latest was by a otherwise pleasant man in a Jo-Ann Fabric store. My mom’s been asked this question multiple times, as well, about me by acquaintances (co-workers, etc.)–-even the week they were born! It’s like, geesh, people, first of all I just had twins so let me enjoy them and I don’t need to decide how many more kids I’ll have in the future the week I just birthed twins! Secondly, just because I had twins doesn’t mean I’ll never have anymore children. And thirdly, I don’t see how this is the business of people I’ve never met before!

Have you other twin moms been asked this a lot? What about people with “just” a single pregnancy? After your first one did people bombard you with this question, or is it a twin thing? Just curious . . .

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. May 1, 2008 8:51 am

    People barely had a chance to ask me. πŸ™‚ But you should have seen the looks on people’s faces…Christians and non…when I started showing with my second pregnancy. In most cases it was horror or disgust. I was a hero in certain circles πŸ™‚ . Anyway, I felt like a freak show.

  2. briana permalink
    May 1, 2008 9:29 am

    I’m with Laurie, though I didn’t have them quite as close together as she did. πŸ™‚
    Probably the worst was an older gentleman (and I think the grandparent types feel the most freedom to say such things) at Aldi’s one day was inquiring about the kids, Judah’s face (that’s a whole other issue when it comes to things people say in public!) and after finding out their ages said, “girl, you need to buy a television.” πŸ™‚ Let’s just say it was a good thing he was an elder and my parents taught me well to respect my elders or he might have had a sassy mouthful from me. πŸ™‚

  3. May 1, 2008 9:38 am

    While I’m single, I’ve heard some of my married friends talk about how this has happened to them. One family in particular does not have any twins, but they do have 8 children.

    The mom told me that she uses it as an evangelistic opportunity. She tells them briefly and graciously why she is glad the Lord has blessed her in so many ways — her children being a major one.

  4. anne permalink
    May 1, 2008 9:40 am

    a couple of things.
    kinda off the subject but thought I’d add it anyway:

    I was constantly asked if I was having twins when I was pregnant with Max. Sure I was HUGE, but he was 10 lbs. That was a bit insulting….

    Second, I assumed you would have more…so maybe I am just as guilty as the people who assumed you wouldn’t.

    Thrid, I constantly keep getting asked if we are done having kids. I think people think having 3 or 4 kids is crazy these days. I think also with so many Moms that work now people have less children. I know if I worked full time I probably wouldn’t have more than two, when would I have time to sleep?? Just blabbing here…but I digress.

    Lastly, is there something you need to tell us? πŸ™‚

  5. May 1, 2008 10:09 am

    I had the question “Do you have any other children?” a lot….not necessarily if we would have any more. I think since the “norm” is 2.6 kids that people think that you are probably done because three kids isn’t the norm. It was like a one shot deal.

    You should meet my friend, Honey. She has a newly 7 year old, 5 1/2 year old identical twin girls, and 4 1/2 year old fraternal twin boys. People ask her all the time if they are ALL hers. She’s pretty quick on her feet and generally comments that 1/2 of them are not hers. She just wanted to make her trip to Wal-mart even more difficult by adding in the neighbors kids.

    I think that people in general just aren’t thinking about what they are asking. I’ve had total strangers ask me if I was going to “try” for a girl and when I said we were done (I’m 36) she asked me if I had my tubes tied……oh the things people ask.

  6. May 1, 2008 11:52 am

    I think you’re just trying to tell us your pregnant again.

    Kidding, kidding.

    It’s just nosey and rude and I’m super guilty of it.

    ha!

  7. Julia permalink
    May 1, 2008 1:27 pm

    All the time (including while I was in the HOSPITAL just hours after delivery!) I get, “well since you have two boys now, you’re going to try for a girl soon, right?” Depending on how sassy I feel at the time, I say something about it not being a race or the incredible idea of letting my body heal from two C-sections… oh, the thought of it!! πŸ˜‰

  8. zoanna permalink
    May 1, 2008 4:06 pm

    No, it’s not a twin thing. It’s a human thing. I had relatives tell us we needed a television, as if THAT stops two baby makers from making another–“I’m a mom, I multitask all the time!”–is what I was tempted to say. I gave people reason to question, though, as I carried an 8 month old on my hip with one due in 4 months. When I started showing with STephen, I think people thought my IQ had taken a plunge. (My vocabulary had, but that comes with toddler territory, huh?)

    Anyway, I am gonna be real prophetically rude here and predict you have an announcement for us within six weeks.

    Shoot me! I’m old anyway!

  9. May 1, 2008 6:14 pm

    I am with Zoanna. It is a people thing. As soon as you are dating someone.. so, when is he going to pop the question. You get married .. when are you going to have kids?. You have kids.. etc etc etc. When people found out that I was pregnant with my 3rd child they would invariably say “trying for a girl aren’t you?”. I answered “nope, trying for a third child. Thank you for asking.” πŸ˜‰ (as you know, I did get my girl though!!)

  10. May 1, 2008 6:40 pm

    I’m with Beth….are you going to blog in a few weeks that you’re pregnant??? (I wrote my ranting e-mail and then found out only a few weeks later that I was pregnant, haha)!!

  11. May 1, 2008 7:35 pm

    No, people, I certainly hope I won’t have such an announcement! Do you guys want me to have a break down or something? πŸ˜‰ We do want to have at least one more baby eventually. But I’m with Julia, it’s not a race and I want to enjoy the blessings I have right now. They’re about all I can handle! And if I have twins again, I don’t mind saying, I will be DONE then!

  12. May 1, 2008 7:38 pm

    Anne, you probably get asked if you having more kids all the time because you have two boys. And since you know me, I think you assuming things about me is more normal than strange people I meet in the grocery store. You actually have a frame of reference.

    BTW, I remember the last couple of months people started asking if I was having twins. I remember thinking it was a good thing I was because those comment would have probably upset me if I wasn’t!

  13. marie J permalink
    May 1, 2008 11:19 pm

    I’ve gotten it A LOT. Like others have said, christians and non, family, friends and strangers. It’s amazing how the view of children has changed. Decades ago 3 or 4 kids wasn’t a “big” family. Now so many people can’t fathom why we would want another child. (And no, I’m not announcing anything either πŸ˜‰
    Anyway, I’m trying to turn it into a way to bring God glory, emphasizing what a blessing children are and how thankful I am for my fertility.
    PS
    Some of my “favorite” (or should I say least favorite) comments are..you know how that (getting pregnant) happens, right.. was that on purpose?…you guys need a hobby…congratulations, I guess?

    Oh well. We know that children are a gift!

  14. May 2, 2008 7:11 am

    Not that I get worked up about it, but WHY DO PEOPLE THINK FAMILY PLANNING IS AN ACCEPTED SMALL-TALK TOPIC? And why do they think they have a right to know? I was asked about my family size — while pushing my third newborn in a stroller — after I’d introduced myself to a new neighbor. Um, let’s stick to local hot-spots and directions to the grocery store, how about?

    When Addie and Stuart were small, people assumed I was done because I had a Girl and a Boy: The Perfect Set. I’m trying to come up with a non-insulting way to say, “That’s actually not any of your business, thank you.”

    I’m glad you’re enjoying your twins. You should be glad I’m exercising restraint and ending this comment now. (Those questions!! The week they were BORN?!)

    — SJ

  15. zoanna permalink
    May 3, 2008 10:15 am

    Okay, here’s what I really don’t understand. Why does it bother people to be asked if they’re having twins? I mean, if you’re pregnant, sometimes you just carry a big baby. Getting big is a normal thing, and small people just look bigger, but what feels wrong about that? I mean, I never minded being asked WHEN I WAS PREGNANT if I was carrying twins. What DID offend me is hodling a five WEEK old SArah (and that kangaroo pouch afterwards) if I was pregnant again. (An 11 year old asked, but still.) Help me udnerstand why being asked about carrying twins when you’re many moons pregnant bothers soem of you.

  16. mom permalink
    May 5, 2008 12:11 pm

    Well Danielle you know my story, two were fine but after that according to family, friends, and any acquaintance I met, I was disgusting and over populating the world. Then of course the whole homeschooling thing just put me in a catagory all my own. When pregnant with Judith at 40; well it was just too, too much for everyone. It’s really just fine, I’ve always walked, sometimes run, to a beat of my own. In many areas I’m lacking but the Lord has abundantly blest me with my children. He knew just what I needed and supplied, shaken down and pouring over. I am now 57 and Judith keeps me on the go and blesses me daily, along with you other three and now my precious baby boys!! Motherhood has been by far the greatest joy, and learning experience. Watching you as a mother has added to that joy in unspeakable measure. Love mom

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